You have had a long depressing day at work. Bills havent been paid, 5 year olds running around screaming, the end of a perfect day. Not.
You need some humour at the end of the day like this. So i have created this thread to enlighten your day a bit.
Post any joke you believe to be funny. Politics, stupidity, light racisim, etc.
Please note, hardcore sexisim or hardcore racisim will NOT be tolerated on this thread. You are allowed to make jokes about other members, but not demeaning, racistic or sexistic ones.
Jokes
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- Fleet Officer
- Posts: 1036
- Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:28 am
- Location: Researching how to make St. Kats star go supernova.
- Contact:
Three nuns walk into a bar.
The fourth one ducks.
The fourth one ducks.
Play in over 100 systems in a network. Play the 2011 Mod Of the Year
and the highest rated mod on Xelerus, The Network.
Play the July Mod of the Month, Fellow Pilgrims!
Play My other mods as well
(Drako Slyith)* I am a person
(Eliza chatbot)> Do you believe it is normal to be a person?
* Atarlost dons his moderating miter
I am concerned that this thread may become a problem. Divisive jokes can poison a heterogeneous community and turn an open and inviting community into a closed one.
The OP wants a lack of hard core racism and sexism. There is nothing special about races and genders that they should deserve greater protection than religions, political movements, or any other groupings of people -- or of individual individuals.
If you have any questions as to the propriety of your joke don't post it here. If I get complaints or see anything divisive it will be removed. If I have to do so repeatedly the whole thread will be locked.
I am concerned that this thread may become a problem. Divisive jokes can poison a heterogeneous community and turn an open and inviting community into a closed one.
The OP wants a lack of hard core racism and sexism. There is nothing special about races and genders that they should deserve greater protection than religions, political movements, or any other groupings of people -- or of individual individuals.
If you have any questions as to the propriety of your joke don't post it here. If I get complaints or see anything divisive it will be removed. If I have to do so repeatedly the whole thread will be locked.
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- Commonwealth Pilot
- Posts: 50
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:37 pm
Joke:
a guy walks into a bar with his pet giraffe. the giraffe lies down on the floor and goes to sleep. after a while, another guy askes "whats that lyin there on the floor?". The first man says "its not a lion, its a giraffe".
a guy walks into a bar with his pet giraffe. the giraffe lies down on the floor and goes to sleep. after a while, another guy askes "whats that lyin there on the floor?". The first man says "its not a lion, its a giraffe".
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- Militia Commander
- Posts: 298
- Joined: Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:56 am
- Location: In a Lancaster. Nope. A box.
Just 2 things.
1. If the tread causes you a hassle you can remove it if you want. Please inform me first though.
2. If you guys want queries on your jokes. You can send me a pm. But please note, i will only be able to go online on the weekends at the moment. So please only send your messages around friday. Thanks.
1. If the tread causes you a hassle you can remove it if you want. Please inform me first though.
2. If you guys want queries on your jokes. You can send me a pm. But please note, i will only be able to go online on the weekends at the moment. So please only send your messages around friday. Thanks.
Faaz los frul, moro los mafaeraak. Chicks osgor skein. c:
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- Commonwealth Pilot
- Posts: 50
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:37 pm
two cannibals are eating a clown. one says to the other "does this taste funny to you?"
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- Miner
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:14 pm
- Location: Heretic.
AUDI- Always Unsafe Designs Implemented.
BMW-Big Money Works.
* Brutal Money Waster.
* Bimbette Motor Weapon.
* Break My Window.
*Brings Me Women
BUICK-Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer.
CHEVROLET- Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips.
* Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
* Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
*Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology.
DODGE-Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere.
*Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere.
*Dead or Dying Gas Eater.
*Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express.
FIAT- Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
*Fix It All the Time.
*Fix it again, Tony!
FORD - First On Recall Day.
*Fixed Or Repaired Daily.
*First On Rust and Deterioration.
*Fix Or Repair Daily.
*Found On Road, Dead.
*Fast Only Rolling Downhill.
*Features O.J. and Ron's DNA.
*Found On Russian Dump.
*FORD Owners Recommend Dodge.
GM- General Maintenance.
* Great Mistake.
* GMC- Garage Man's Companion.
* Got A Mechanic Coming?.
HONDA - Had One Never Did Again.
HYUNDAI-Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
MAZDA- Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along.
OLDSMOBILE-*Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late
Everywhere.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover
Equipment.
PINTO - Put in new transmission often.
PONTIAC - Poor old Neanderthal thinks its a Cadillac.
SAAB-Send Another Automobile Back.
*Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
*Sorry Arsed Auto Builders.
TOYOTA-Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto.
VOLVO- Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
*Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners.
SUBARU-Screwed Up Beyond Any Repair Ussually
PORSCHE-Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
Hope I made you laugh!
BMW-Big Money Works.
* Brutal Money Waster.
* Bimbette Motor Weapon.
* Break My Window.
*Brings Me Women
BUICK-Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer.
CHEVROLET- Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips.
* Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
* Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
*Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology.
DODGE-Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere.
*Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere.
*Dead or Dying Gas Eater.
*Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express.
FIAT- Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
*Fix It All the Time.
*Fix it again, Tony!
FORD - First On Recall Day.
*Fixed Or Repaired Daily.
*First On Rust and Deterioration.
*Fix Or Repair Daily.
*Found On Road, Dead.
*Fast Only Rolling Downhill.
*Features O.J. and Ron's DNA.
*Found On Russian Dump.
*FORD Owners Recommend Dodge.
GM- General Maintenance.
* Great Mistake.
* GMC- Garage Man's Companion.
* Got A Mechanic Coming?.
HONDA - Had One Never Did Again.
HYUNDAI-Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
MAZDA- Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along.
OLDSMOBILE-*Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late
Everywhere.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover
Equipment.
PINTO - Put in new transmission often.
PONTIAC - Poor old Neanderthal thinks its a Cadillac.
SAAB-Send Another Automobile Back.
*Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
*Sorry Arsed Auto Builders.
TOYOTA-Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto.
VOLVO- Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
*Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners.
SUBARU-Screwed Up Beyond Any Repair Ussually
PORSCHE-Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
Hope I made you laugh!
This signature is here solely for the purpose of you wasting time to actually read it.
- stealthx
- Militia Lieutenant
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:45 am
- Location: At the edge of chaos (sovereign)
Cpt. Niceguy wrote: GM-Great Mistake.
Be the hope of humanity. Be a Gundam Meister.
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- Fleet Officer
- Posts: 1036
- Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:28 am
- Location: Researching how to make St. Kats star go supernova.
- Contact:
I've thought of a few of my own:
Bugatti- Big, ugly, great, awesome, terrific testosterone inducer
Alpha Romeo- Awesome looking, people have always reveled over making every one
Aston Martin- Awesome, super, terrific ostentatious, near magic, always resorts to incredible noise.
Prius- please remove: incredibly useless s***.
Bugatti- Big, ugly, great, awesome, terrific testosterone inducer
Alpha Romeo- Awesome looking, people have always reveled over making every one
Aston Martin- Awesome, super, terrific ostentatious, near magic, always resorts to incredible noise.
Prius- please remove: incredibly useless s***.
Play in over 100 systems in a network. Play the 2011 Mod Of the Year
and the highest rated mod on Xelerus, The Network.
Play the July Mod of the Month, Fellow Pilgrims!
Play My other mods as well
(Drako Slyith)* I am a person
(Eliza chatbot)> Do you believe it is normal to be a person?
-
- Miner
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:14 pm
- Location: Heretic.
you're good!Bugatti- Big, ugly, great, awesome, terrific testosterone inducer
Alpha Romeo- Awesome looking, people have always reveled over making every one
Aston Martin- Awesome, super, terrific ostentatious, near magic, always resorts to incredible noise.
Prius- please remove: incredibly useless s***.
my fav is the prius,and of my own,porsche
This signature is here solely for the purpose of you wasting time to actually read it.
- Darth Saber
- Militia Commander
- Posts: 290
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:53 pm
- Location: Korriban
J ust
E very
D ay
I ndividuals
S uper
I ntelligent
T ricky
H umans
Politics - never did any word describe the process so well: "poly" meaning "many," and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures."
How many prophets (generic) does it take to change a light bulb?
Two; one to change the bulb, and the other to curse him for living in darkness.
Only in America:
Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the weather, and keep our useless junk in the garage.
Does a pizza arrive at your home faster than an ambulance.
Do we complain about the cost of gas when going to work, but freely spend when it comes to attending the big game.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?
The bad golfer goes whack, dang; the bad skydiver goes dang, whack.
E very
D ay
I ndividuals
S uper
I ntelligent
T ricky
H umans
Politics - never did any word describe the process so well: "poly" meaning "many," and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures."
How many prophets (generic) does it take to change a light bulb?
Two; one to change the bulb, and the other to curse him for living in darkness.
Only in America:
Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the weather, and keep our useless junk in the garage.
Does a pizza arrive at your home faster than an ambulance.
Do we complain about the cost of gas when going to work, but freely spend when it comes to attending the big game.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?
The bad golfer goes whack, dang; the bad skydiver goes dang, whack.
- Darth Saber
- Militia Commander
- Posts: 290
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:53 pm
- Location: Korriban
What happens when the army runs out of mustard?
They are mustered out!
What do you call a bird with an annoying call?
A twirp.
What do you get when you pair Old Mac Donald with an Inspiron notebook?
A farmer in the Dell...
Pete and Ray Pete were in a boat. Pete fell overboard; who was left?
They are mustered out!
What do you call a bird with an annoying call?
A twirp.
What do you get when you pair Old Mac Donald with an Inspiron notebook?
A farmer in the Dell...
Pete and Ray Pete were in a boat. Pete fell overboard; who was left?
"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburettor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
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- Militia Lieutenant
- Posts: 121
- Joined: Thu Apr 28, 2011 9:19 am
Once upon a time a young man finds himself being chased by the military police trying draft him into the army. "Help! i'm being drafted! i'm being drafted!" he screams when suddenly he sees a an old lady sitting under a tree. She was wearing a long, fat gown that spread on the floor.
"Dear lady! please i'm my parents only son and i'm being drafted! please may i hide under your skirt?!" he screams not considering the embrassment he'll get later.
"Why sure child... It is my duty to help those in need." replies the lady and lifts up her gown allowing the young soldier to slip in under it.
Sure enough the MP arrives and questions the lady and then goes away.
Sitting under the lady's gown the soldier notices she was heavy muscular and hairy legs. "Geez mame' you have some nice legs' he comments sarcasstically.
"Oh sonny! if you look a little further up you'll find a nice pair of balls too... guess who else aint getting drafted!"
"Dear lady! please i'm my parents only son and i'm being drafted! please may i hide under your skirt?!" he screams not considering the embrassment he'll get later.
"Why sure child... It is my duty to help those in need." replies the lady and lifts up her gown allowing the young soldier to slip in under it.
Sure enough the MP arrives and questions the lady and then goes away.
Sitting under the lady's gown the soldier notices she was heavy muscular and hairy legs. "Geez mame' you have some nice legs' he comments sarcasstically.
"Oh sonny! if you look a little further up you'll find a nice pair of balls too... guess who else aint getting drafted!"
"Umm, I'm sorry I just killed your officer Akira, but he was getting on my nerves''
"Can I take his ship now?"
Calvin E. Taylor to Akira Gorbachev, the daughter of Ares Chief Admiral Vasily Gorbachev, after brutally killing one of her Tundra pilots.
"Can I take his ship now?"
Calvin E. Taylor to Akira Gorbachev, the daughter of Ares Chief Admiral Vasily Gorbachev, after brutally killing one of her Tundra pilots.